Thanksgiving is a time for family gatherings, gratitude, and celebration. However, for newly separated parents, it can also present unique challenges when it comes to parenting time and holiday arrangements. Proper planning and open communication are essential to ensure that both parents and children can enjoy the holiday season without undue stress.
Understanding Parenting Time:
When parents divorce, negotiating and establishing a parenting schedule – even a temporary schedule – is a critical aspect of the separation process. Courts typically strive to establish a parenting schedule that serves the best interests of the children, allowing both parents to maintain a meaningful relationship with their children. During holidays like Thanksgiving, parents may need to revisit these schedules to accommodate special traditions and family gatherings.
Creating a Holiday Schedule
- 1) Consider Traditions: Think about how you and your family celebrated Thanksgiving in the past. While most people tend to alternate holidays, there are various reasons why that may not work for everyone. If you have specific traditions, share these with your ex-spouse and see if there is a way to incorporate them into the schedule. For example, if you always spent Thanksgiving Day with your spouse’s family and then enjoyed the Friday after Thanksgiving with the children by visiting a museum, it may be more important to keep those traditions in place than to divide the holiday equally. You can also think about the holidays more holistically – if you always spent Thanksgiving with your family while perhaps Christmas was always spent with your spouse’s family, and this is your extended families’ expectation as well as your children’s, there is no need to upset the apple cart now. Ultimately, the goal is to establish a holiday schedule that will allow for your children to spend the holidays in the most meaningful and enjoyable way.
2) Communicate Openly and Be Flexible: Open and respectful communication is key. Discuss your holiday plans early to avoid misunderstandings. Flexibility leading up to and during the holidays can help alleviate tension and promote harmony for the children. If one parent has Thanksgiving dinner with their extended family on Thursday, consider allowing the other parent to have the children on that day with the understanding that they will spend time with the first parent on another day during the holiday weekend.
- 3) Plan for Change: As children grow, their needs and preferences will likely change. Be open to revisiting and adjusting the parenting plan to reflect your children’s needs and preferences, ensuring that both parents remain involved in holiday traditions.
-
Four Tips for a Stress-Free Thanksgiving
-
- 1) Focus on the Children: Remember that the holiday should be meaningful and enjoyable for the children. Keep their best interests at heart when making decisions about parenting time.
- 2) Avoid Conflict: Planning ahead is key to avoiding conflict on the holiday. Set clear expectations of pick-up times and locations to avoid stress on the holiday itself. It is essential to maintain a positive atmosphere. Avoid discussions about past grievances or conflicts during the holiday and instead focus on creating a joyful experience for your children.
- 3) Be Mindful of New Relationships: If either parent is in a new relationship, be respectful and considerate of how this might affect holiday plans. Open discussions about including new partners can help prevent misunderstandings.
- 4) Create New Traditions: If the old traditions are no longer feasible, consider creating new ones that can be enjoyed by all family members. This can help establish a sense of continuity and happiness during the holiday season.
Thanksgiving should be a time for gratitude, reflection, and togetherness, even amidst the challenges of divorce. By prioritizing communication, flexibility, and the well-being of the children, divorced parents can more easily navigate the complexities of holiday parenting time. Ultimately, the goal is to foster a loving and supportive environment where children can thrive and cherish their family experiences, regardless of the changes in their family dynamics.